Some random day of the fucking year.

Bleh.

I hate how stagnant my blog gets sometimes, I can’t tell how many times I’ve wiped it clean and decided to start over and vow to continuously update it. My mind is always running, it never stops. People tell me I type ridiculously fast, but to me, I feel like nothing on this Earth including my fingers and mouth can keep up with my mind. These past few months have marked some of my darkest days since forever and a day ago, but they’ve also made me shed several layers of skin, and I’ve come one big step closer to understanding myself, on the road to self actualization.

In my little escape from myself to myself I have slowly formulated a small family of good friends in a little pretty pixel world. Which usually seems to be the case for many internet users that were raised up with, well, the internet.
While that itself is another topic all together, I’ve realized that all these little virtual worlds do is shrink down what is still our very existence, our behaviors, our agendas, our traits, there is no escape from who you’ve made yourself out to be, regardless of how your image changes. While you can just as easily ‘x out’ of a conversation you’re hating or whatever, you still are left with a nasty flavor in your mouth.

This day in particular felt very bleak.

What can I say, we are all tainted with human error, we are never as ideal as we’d like to think ourselves to be. We are not as humble, as endearing, as loving, as hateful, as hurtful as we may think we are. We just simply are, certain traits highlighted depending on the situation. By the time I get to this point where I want to write about anything I already spent all my energy thinking and rehashing shit.

The only lesson that keeps emerging from shit days like this is, yes we can be open, honest communicators so to speak, but we are social animals whether we like it or not, we have to be considerate of when and we say certain things, or forever risk living in loneliness.

Whenever I hear someone saying they prefer to live in isolation, you can be damned sure deep down inside the loneliness is killing them. Being social take hard work and effort, I’m slowly realizing it’s not an option though, it’s a neccessity to stay sane and live out the rest of a wretched life.

It is what we make of it. There is no rest for the wicked.

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